Balancing Acts: Navigating Mental Health Challenges and Supercharging Entrepreneurial Success
Author: Peter Neal
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TW: This Unsinkable story discusses Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder and Suicide. We invite our community to read it only if it's the right time for them. If you're struggling, please reach out to the Crisis Text Line or Kids Help Phone.
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Thirty-five years ago, I woke up and said to myself, “Today I will start a crouton company”. I am probably one of the only people to have ever said that to themselves and it begs the question – why? Well, I’ll go back to my second year of university. I was experiencing anxiety about what I was going to do when I graduated. I knew that I wanted to do something different as a ‘career’—I didn't want to work for someone else and loathed being told what to do.
I went home for Spring Break near the end of that second year and, yes, started Croutons! Croutons! Within the week I’d asked my brother to join me and to get a feel for entrepreneurship as well as partnership. By the end of the summer, we were hooked and we committed to building a food company together.
In 1991 or 1992, we changed the name to Neal Brothers to make way for new items such as tortilla chips and salsa. Our first obstacle was distribution – how were we going to get our products to market. We quickly realized that our strengths were in sales, so it was only natural to do the distribution ourselves. And that was when Neal Brothers distribution was born.
We also realized that we had a keen eye for new trends. We sourced and built some of the best natural and organic brands in the Canadian market. We were the first to market with brands such as; Kettle potato chips, Cliff Bars, Tazo tea, Kicking Horse Coffee, Cape Cod Chips and all sorts of products that filled our distribution stable of goods. Fast forward to 2023 and we've merged our distribution company with another great group, doubling our revenue and creating a true national business. But our brand continues to grow.
The Intersection of Mental Health & Entrepreneurship
“Aha” moments can be positive or painful—they’re not always enlightening, and mental health and entrepreneurship are very much intertwined. I certainly wouldn't have had this success without anxiety, bipolar tendencies, and ADHD—when I'm on, I can lift a car over my head. That explosive manic high energy fueled me and enabled me to take risks—doing what most others wouldn't have done with their money, business risks, and career choice.
Yet, there have been times when I haven’t had someone to talk to for advice and guidance, and that has been quite daunting. It's brought me down—not always to a horrible, horrible, low—but it certainly did three years ago when we were faced with a catastrophic event. I went down incredibly hard.
For months, I wrestled melancholic suicidal episodes—I was catatonic and a shell of myself. Subsequently, just over fourteen months ago, it punched again. I wanted to kill myself.
I ended up in the hospital with my diagnosis. And I'm good (now). I'm on medication and meeting regularly with my psychiatrist. Along with psychotherapy, I have support from those who know what my journey has looked like and why. I’m mindful of that because I didn’t know I had a problem.
My Help-Seeking Journey
There are certain elements of my personality that affect people on the downswing. Even so, there is a “Happy Petey” that everyone knows. I was always giving, giving, giving to anyone around me always (and in any capacity, extinguishing and taxing myself).
On several occasions throughout my life, I’ve suffered great anxiety related to both my personal and professional life. I harboured fear about what tomorrow would bring. I feared death. I developed coping mechanisms that worked; a vacation planned, a concert or sporting event, or social gathering to look forward to.
In the Spring of 2019, a friend of mine took her life in the house next to ours. They were good friends of ours. She was smart, strong, and full of energy—her death made no sense to me. A few months later, I suffered a business loss that was tough for me to endure—it was a cannabis-related business that I’d spent a year away from my own life building.
In September of that same year, I had a premonition that we were about to lose our biggest piece of business. Three months later it happened. I’d built that company’s brand for 18 years—it was personal—and losing it was the proverbial straw that broke my back. I sunk into a deep, melancholic, suicidal depression that lasted for 5 months and took a serious toll on my wife and three daughters.
One of the things that helped bring me out of that state was the understanding that mental health is real. Your brain can become a monster—a monster capable of convincing you that you would be better off dead. Knowing this helped me understand that I wasn’t the only one feeling this way. Seeing others recover gave me hope.
I also came to learn how powerful the stigma around mental health was. There is a myth that mental health is a weakness, not a disease. Sexual identity diversity and cancer are amongst many stigmas that have been busted and I feel that we need to do this for mental health as soon as we can.
When I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I was asked, “Do you ever feel like you’re a special gift and on the planet for some reason?” I thought it was weird, but yes, I did. I had, consciously had those thoughts run through my head at times. I truly would think that I was on this earth to make a difference in peoples’ lives. I now recognize that this was happening while I was in a manic high. I just wasn’t aware and could not see it. I felt that there couldn’t possibly be something wrong with me, right? And that belief was the problem, masking what was underneath.
There I was in the psychiatric inpatient unit being interviewed by a psychiatrist. He interviewed me, my wife, and my brother, and it became immediately obvious to him that I had bipolar disorder and ADHD—a tough combination. I had a friendship with the psychiatrist who treated one of my daughters, and he diagnosed me with the same co-morbidity. Lastly, the head of brain sciences at Sunnybrook Hospital, Dr Levitt, who is also the chair of a youth mental health council I sit on (how ironic!) reached out. He said, “Peter, I’ve heard you are not well. I need to see you.” And yes—he came to the same conclusion.
Even with these three highly skilled doctors’ diagnoses I still didn't believe it, to be honest. But it became clear to me—and to those around me—when I looked through the checklists of these two disorders. “Shit, that's me.” I was absolutely committed to getting help.
I see it now. I get it. I understand it. And I can feel when it's coming on. The medications are helping me, and I accept the fact that there will be lows regardless. But now, I have the capacity to harness the positive, radiant energy that people say I bring to a room, which fosters my ability to guide and build a business.
Defining a Healthy Relationship Between Entrepreneurship & Prioritizing Mental Health
I've become very open about what I've been through and what I deal with, so I let those around me know when I'm spinning out of control or need guidance. I need a certain level of manic high to allow me to be ‘on’— to see things and have a good sense of what’s going to work for new brands, trends, retailer communications and all the elements that make my business successful. I'm grateful, because without those markers and guardrails from people around me—mentors, family, friends, and community—I wouldn’t be able to do this. It’s about being open, communicative, and congruent with those around me so that I can use the best of me to do what needs to be done as an entrepreneur and business owner.
My Self-Care & Recovery Strategies
When things are going well, I’m an engine headed uphill—the momentum gets me going. Sometimes it gets me going a little bit too fast. When I reach that hump—thinking about a train as it rises to the other side—I slide too quickly. The key is being conscious of that, but there's a fine line between my mental health and my ability to run and move a business forward. The tough part is that I've struggled with all those fears and believed that I’m on my own because I’m running a business. When something feels that it is headed out of my control, my anxiety can explode quickly. I go dark. But I recognize when I might need to reach out. I know when I need to be somewhere quieter, such as my cottage, where I can recharge the batteries.
I've had to learn to reduce the amount of social media I use. And I've had to tell people, “No, I can't help you.” That used to kill me. I used to be a Yes Man—I said yes to anything. “Can you help me with my child’s mental health problems? My mental health? A donation? This organization? Can you jump on this?” I’ve learned to say no and create those boundaries. I didn't know what the hell that meant five years ago, but I've become good at it for a reason. It's a better place to be. And it’s important to not feel bad—it’s okay to be completely open with staff, retailers, and brands, and say, “I need some time. Can you help me?” I didn't like to ask anyone to help with certain pieces of our biz because of some control issues—no one can do it like I can (of course). But I needed to trust.
Even so, I've got to implement more care as a routine. When I'm up at my cottage, people laugh and say, “I thought you went to the cottage to relax?” Yes and no—my wife and I are constantly working on projects! But the location and menial work takes my mind off of biz and personal stressors. God, it feels good. When I work hard on a project it means I’m not thinking about other things. The sweat that comes from working hard on a project gives that
sense of accomplishment unrelated to growing revenue ie; more of that four-letter word ‘money’. Money is a measurement of the ability to sustain, grow, and reward a group of people in my mind. You just need a healthy relationship with it.
My Semi-Colon Tattoo
With our three girls, it became obvious that our middle girl wasn’t typical. Some very disturbing behavior erupted in her childhood, and she was diagnosed with all sorts of things. Her doctor told us, “By the time she's 18 she's most likely going to be ‘affected with’ or ‘involved with’ a long list of troublesome behaviors” And she did. One of them was attempted suicide. On another occasion she told us about a plan she had for suicide. And when she (and we) started to understand what was happening, we talked about Project Semicolon. My daughter got a tattoo, and I got one to match.
It's a reminder, when I lift my arm, that you can't see much when you're ready to end things in the dark. You don't want to be anymore. It’s horrifying, and I could never, ever describe it to someone. But the semi-colon certainly reminds me of where I was, where other people have been, and where other people around me could be.
Stigma
We all talk about the stigma, and I'll never forget my dad. I’d made an appearance on CTV, to discuss mental health and was very open about my experience. I told my dad about it (or my mom told him). He called me and said, “I heard about you going on TV talking about this. What's next? Are you going to take out a billboard telling people you're crazy?" I was saddened by his comments—this was my own dad. That comment underscored the stigma for me.
A few days later, he called and said, “I'm sorry. I've had some friends who saw you and said how powerful and meaningful your message was.” That gave me hope that we can crush the stigma.
My daughter has gone through this, too. And I've got an incredibly supportive wife who carried a massive load with her and with me. I am so fortunate for that.
My Call to Action for Other Entrepreneurs
I sat down with over 300 aspiring entrepreneurs in the last 15 years, mostly in the food business. One of the things that became clearer to me than anything, after maybe 100 of them, was to ensure that you can be open-minded—in mental health and business. It’s the same skill. Take constructive criticism and advice from those around you. It doesn't matter if they're working with you, friends, or family. I was always open to hearing feedback, but my mental health has been a different story.
Many entrepreneurs battle the same thing—anxiety, stress, and fear. Surround yourself with people who you feel safe being open-minded with. And listen to them. Set boundaries and pick your people—clean up the ship and weed the social garden. Find at least one mentor. Join an entrepreneur social group or start one. Take feedback and ideas because you're never going to generate all of them on your own. Speed the growth of your business by building a sustainable cultural environment. Mental health is sustainability. It's not just making sure your numbers are right, sharpening your pencil, and going harder.
These are basic elements but they're not what everyone always thinks of. Create a business plan, hire people, grow, and do what you need to get that business up and running. But at the same time, think about the personal element of it—for you and those you work with. Going, full force can be a powerful monster. At times, it's allowed me to create all sorts of good things, but when it turns on you, look out. And you can't do that without people around you.
Sometimes, you’ve got to say, “Fuck it. I need to take care of myself. I’m not apologizing. I just can’t do this right now.” In reality, that’s less than 5% of the time. But that 5% can be a world of difference.
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About Peter: Peter Neal's entrepreneurial journey began in the spring of 1988, during his second year at Bishops University. He took the initiative to reach out to his brother Chris, who was completing his final year at Queens, with the idea of starting a business together.
By May 1988, they had embarked on their entrepreneurial adventure, crafting gourmet croutons in their mother's kitchen. Over the next few years, their venture expanded into a regional food distribution company, featuring their signature tortilla chips and salsas.
Fast forward to today, their Neal Brothers brand has grown to encompass over 40 products. They've also established a significant national distribution company known as Jonluca Neal that represents over 200 international brands. In his role, Peter takes the lead in overseeing brands and sales at Jonluca, as well as managing Neal Brothers Brands.
Beyond his business endeavors, Peter actively contributes to mental health initiatives, notably through his involvement with "We are Unsinkable," Family Navigation Project and Pine River Institute. His dedication to both entrepreneurship and mental health advocacy reflects his diverse and impactful journey.
Peter and his wife Lara have three daughters and reside in the neighbourhood of North Toronto
About Neal Brothers: Neal Brothers, founded in 1988 by the dynamic duo of Chris and Peter Neal, has stayed true to its original mission since inception: to craft snack choices that are accessible to all. With an unwavering commitment to quality and a dedication to using natural ingredients, Neal Brothers has consistently delivered better-for-you snack options to satisfy discerning palates.