No One Can Do It Like Steven Sharpe Jr: An Interview
The Unsinkable team had an opportunity to connect with Steven Sharpe Jr back in November 2021. The following piece was written by Tracy Hall following the interview.
Your podcast Sanctum launched last November (2020), was that the point of time where you officially, or publicly, stepped into the role of mental health advocate; can you please detail your journey?
I started talking about my mental health journey, on my Instagram, once the pandemic hit. Although I was going through my journey long before, it was further emphasized during the pandemic. I had to really sit down, take stock and figure out, what's going on here. And it's kind of interesting how Sanctum came to be, in just a day. I had this idea, I would love to just talk about other people's stories because storytelling is super powerful. I want(ed) people that were still in it, to tell their authentic stories (and) talk about what they've learned. Really just be in the process. In retrospect, I feel like I became an advocate when I put out Sanctum, even though I was already talking about the stuff (mental health) on my platform.
It's a beautiful thing that you're able to hold space for other people.
I didn't know if people were going to want to be vulnerable. My whole thing was if I'm going to ask people to be vulnerable, I have to do that as well. That's why my first podcast chapter is about my story, to set the stage. If I'm going to ask people to take a leap, I need to also do that. The day I thought of Sanctum, was the day that I wrote out the script and recorded. I started off with people that I knew. So it felt a little bit more comfortable; I'd known some of these people for years. I find it really cool that I'm still learning new things about them because that means that they are growing. The more conversations I have, I see a lot more correlation between people's stories and the people who don't even know each other. I think one of the things that's come out of Sanctum is the nuance of mental health. I like the how people process certain things. I've always felt like I was very much alone in the way that I process certain things. But to learn that other people are thinking similarly is so reassuring. We didn't grow up in the same area. We didn't go through with the exact same things, yet we arrived at this same concept.
What does it mean to you to have representation among mental health advocates?
It's super important. I think one of the reasons why I felt more inclined to speak openly is because I didn't see these things. I did not see men talking about things like anorexia, or eating disorders, or anything like that. And I especially didn't see Black men and Latino men talking about these things. This didn’t happen and I was so embarrassed to talk about it, until I was able to name it, honestly. I was talking with a friend, who was talking about their experience, and I thought that's definitely something I went through. Realizing that I have never seen anyone who looked like me, talk about this. I was like, you know what, I'll be that person, to talk about it because there might be somebody else out there, that looks like me, and feels the same way. I can be that person, that they can be like ‘oh wow, he's going through the same thing; he's not afraid to talk about it, and wasn't afraid to get help for it’. That's something that I really want to emphasize when sharing stories, getting help. I truly believe in therapy, and in supplementary medication. We have tools at our disposal, we should use them. Mental health was not spoken about in the Black and Brown communities that I was growing up in. I learned to hide my emotions because I felt like it was a weakness. It's only now that my whole family has gotten therapy, in some form or fashion. My mom actually talked to me recently saying that because of the work that I'm doing, she's starting to ask herself some questions, about her life and her well-being. It was really kind of crazy to have that sort of impact, not just on people at large, but also to have it in my own family, on the people that raised me.
In reference to mental health support and advocacy, what do you feel are the benefits of social media, and where do you see challenges?
If social media existed in the same capacity that it does now, when I was younger, I would have felt way less alone. I would have felt way more connected (and) I would have found community. Social media and mental health is super, super important and truly does outweigh the bad. All people want, at the core, is to feel seen. We want someone to look at us, pay attention to us, listen to us, and to be able to have that connection. Of course, there are people out there that don't feel like that. They share their stories on social media as a means of attention grabbing or self seeking. While some people feel dejected and reluctant to share their stories and experiences. Once you’ve built that community and that support, you can stand, supported by the people around you, and be like ‘I'm sharing my story; if you don't like it, then it's not for you’.
If you had seen someone like you, growing up, how do you feel you would have been impacted?
I think that would have completely altered (things). It wouldn't have taken so long to come to terms with a lot of the stuff that went on in my life. To see someone else that went through the same stuff; who was struggling with their sexuality, who was struggling with their mental health; who was feeling the weight of having to be perfect. If someone had just told me, at 15, to just give myself a break, I would have just burst into tears because I was fragile, super fragile. I grew up thinking time was short; that I need to do as much as I can right now; to get out of this environment, so I can feel independent. (Not) to just enjoy being a kid, and being a teenager. I grew up real fast. The minute I could get a job, I got one. And the minute I could pay for all the things I wanted, I did. I was very, very, very independent. It's definitely helped me later on in life. I know now, just through therapy, that I was trying to find ways to take back control of my life, so that no one else could ruin it for me. I also didn't know if I came out to my parents, if they were just going to boot me. So, I need to be able to support myself, as proactively as I could. They didn't boot me, which was great. And now they've come around and they're very, very supportive. My dad recently reposted one of my photos on National Coming Out Day. So it's really cool. In many ways, I'm like was it worth it? It was absolutely worth it. Was it hard? Absolutely, but it is absolutely worth it to be at a place where I could be like, take it or leave it. If you don't want to be involved, that's cool. I'm just going to continue to live my life some place else.
How do you handle other peoples’ accomplishments?
No one can do what I can do. That's the perspective I have to take because otherwise you get into that comparison syndrome. No one else can do what I can do, in the way that I can do it. I don't have to fight for value because someone else will see it. I take this perspective with work. If I send a pitch and we have discussions, but they don't want to meet my rate or allow for some creative freedoms, that's cool. There's going to be someone else that will want that. We could have the same exact resumé, still, no one can do it with the finesse that I can do it.
Is there someone that you feel exemplifies what it means to be Unsinkable?
The first person that comes to mind is Jo Luehmann. I grew up Evangelical Christian, with all the comings and goings of that sort of world. I have since come out of that. We’ve (Jo and Steven) had some interaction in social media. And we follow each other. That moment was really great for me because I looked up to her. She’s part of this movement call Deconstruction; where people are going back and being like 'hey, the things that you experienced in the church world were not okay; and it's okay to talk about those things; and here is a break down from a biblical background, but also Christian history and context’. So when I think about that word Unsinkable, I think about her because she is being bombarded every single day by Christian groups, calling her all sorts of things. Beating her down on social media but she rises to the occasion every single time. She’ll take a comment that was really harmful and break it down. Saying, ‘this is why this is incorrect and here is the start of this, that, and the third’. She'll respond with this grace and poise that is encouraging for me. She understands where these comments are coming from. She’s not just reading the words; she’s reading what's behind them. And I see that it, it almost creates some sort of empathy for them. In a way, I understand that you are lashing out at me because I am challenging your worldview, and having your worldview challenged is very scary, triggering your fight or flight (response). And some people really come out swinging, so to understand that it's truly not about you, it's about this other person and how they feel. They've probably never asked themselves why, looked around, or had some sort of awareness of being. I caught myself lashing out. So I really had to come to terms with okay, ‘what am I feeling in this situation’. At one point, this person messaged me and was really rude. I responded with empathy and we ended up having a conversation. They were still kind of snippy, but I was holding my ground and setting a boundary of I won't be disrespected. I understood this was scary for them. Many times, people really vulnerable when they’re angry. And I understand that.
Do you have any like go to strategies when it comes to supporting better mental health and wellbeing?
I can only really speak about the strategies that work for me. I’ve started finding my own meditation, (which) looks differently for other people. My form of meditation is waking up and making my coffee, or tea, or having a shower and doing my whole skincare routine, or playing music. Finding things that bring joy every single day. (Asking) what will just make me happy today?
So, how does joy show up for you in your life?
I really enjoy cooking, that brings me a lot of joy. For me, it's more about the fact that it brings up so many great memories. Like cooking with my mom, or watching the Food Network work. I also like to do something that's so scientific and very sensual. In the sense of, what looks right, smells right, and tastes great. That mind body connection. Cooking is so therapeutic for me. It activates my senses; like I'm feeling the weight of the pan, feeling the heat; having that connection. Just talking with close friends and family, having a good meal, and even to some extent, getting dressed up. That was one of the things, during lockdown, I was pretty adamant about. I was like, I will be getting dressed. The fact that I didn't have a commute, go into the city or get on trains affected my whole ritual of getting ready. So, there are some days I go all out, and other days where I'm like jeans and a hoodie. (And) it’s the small things, like finding joy in your home. It brings me so much joy to walk into the living room, to have a home that's so comfortable, and aesthetically pleasing.
What does your future advocacy work look like?
I'm going to continue with the podcast, I’m really excited about these new episodes. I'm speaking at a conference in January (2022), at the Apex conference; talking to students about mental health, work life balance, and setting boundaries. And just yesterday, I was having some preliminary conversations with this platform (about) a webinar or workshop on the creative industry, and stuff like that. It's really cool that they’ve invited me, and that I know what I want to talk about.
Thank you so much for making space for this conversation. We’re left feeling inspired, joyful, and happy.
Thank you.
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Steven Sharpe Jr. is a New York-based fashion and lifestyle creator, founder of Nobius Creative Studios, mental health advocate and host of Sanctum Podcast. Steven first developed his creative eye and knack for storytelling in 2014, as a visual merchandiser. After developing his skills in social media strategy, Steven went on to build a career partnering with brands, creating content and working with them to develop their strategies. Through his own social media platform, Steven creates fashion and lifestyle content through the lens of mental health. He hopes both those in his community and those who interact on his platform feel seen and are encouraged to share their own mental health experiences. Outside of creating content, Steven is an advocate for breaking mental health stigmas - specifically as it pertains to men and people of color. In 2021, Steven founded Nobius Creative Studios out of a desire for simplicity and transparency in the content creator economy. He believes that creators can be paid fairly, brands can achieve their goals and there is a better way for brands and content creators to work together equitably overall.
Feeling Inspired? You can connect with Steven here:
Unsinkable Storytelling Author: Steven Sharpe Jr [written by Tracy Hall]