Unsinkable - The Girl Who Found Herself
Life has brought me through many things - highs and lows, the good, the challenging. I turned 30 back in October, a pivotal point in my life one might say. Turning 30 got me reflecting, particularly on the last 10 years of my life. And so, I ask myself, what has been the turning point in my life? What has made me who I am today? What has made me unsinkable? Growing up I was always a confident outgoing young girl, when I would go to the shoe shop to buy new school shoes with my mum and sisters, I would be the one to confidently go up to the sales clerk to ask for a size. I would raise my hand in lessons and put myself forward for any opportunities.
I always had dreams and goals from being a triple threat (singer, dancer, actress), then a forensic scientist to being a creative director of a magazine company, and being a model. Passion, confidence and creativity was a part of me. But when it came to relationships, I seem to have become this person who sought approval and acceptance. I relied on the opinions and validations from my partners. During my early twenties, I was in a 5-year relationship. We had many ups and downs. By our third year of being together we were engaged and on our way to start a new life together. I had invested in his goals and dreams and merged my life with his. But whatever I did felt as though it was never good enough; I was never good enough. I never received back the same energy I put out - my goals were left by the waste side and overshadowed by his insecurities and ego.
The confident and outgoing personality I once had seemed to dwindle over the years - I was no longer myself. As the relationship progressed, unresolved issues became more and more apparent and being engaged seemed to have shined more of a light on the cracks in the relationship. Eventually things turned really sour. When we broke up I was left feeling at my lowest point I have ever been in my life. I was angry for how I had been treated, unfairly treated, broken, lost, empty, worthless and torn apart; believing I wasn’t good enough, weren’t loveable and no one would want me. I spent days in bed mourning the relationship, questioning every aspect of myself and replaying all the events that took place. “Why doesn’t anyone love me?” I would ask myself. I was trying to be the bigger person and not give into my vengeful thoughts and not paint him in a dark light, in spite of how I was feeling. I had placed all my self worth and value in the relationship and in him as if he had been the one to make me. I was in a dark hole that I thought I could never get out of.
One night as I was crying in my bed, calling out to God in desperation for help, I was reminded of all the things I had learnt about self-worth, value and purpose during my time of preparing to get married. I was beginning to remember who I truly am as a person and who I am as a woman. Eventually, I had enough of feeling sorry for myself and decided I was no longer going to allow my situation to keep me down. I slowly began to pick myself up and put myself back together. My worth and value was not based on my ex and what he thought of me. From there on, I made a decision to value myself more, to forgive myself for my mistakes and rebuild myself to become the person I wanted to be. I dedicated my time in learning about identity, healthy relationships and focusing on my personal development and creating a new life from the ground up.
After everything I’ve been through I felt passionate to learn about what it means to become the best versions of yourself and standing strong in our identity. No one should feel like they can’t be themselves and feel any less than their worth, or let people and relationships question our identity. We should be able to embrace our individuality; who we truly are that makes us unique and amazing. Most importantly, live and be treated in our true value and worth. Friends, family, relationships don’t define us, we define who we are, and when we love ourselves first and live in our truth, worth and value we will become unstoppable and on a road to becoming our authentic self and having healthier relationships with ourselves and with others.
An experience that left me broken was the very thing that became the turning point in my life. It lit a fire inside of me and led me down this path of finding my passion in life, creating my own business helping people to develop a healthier wellbeing and understanding the real importance of self-love. It helped me find my true self and made me stronger, wiser, more confident and most importantly, unsinkable.
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Unsinkable Storytelling Author: Sophelia Gentles