Finding Happiness: Embracing My True Self
Happiness. For the longest time, that word, and that idea alluded me. Please don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t walking around hating the world, I was just never content. Always restless. I’d enter into relationships and be on cloud nine and everything would be going great, and I would play the role I thought I was supposed to be playing; all the while never being true to myself. I’m bisexual – and for most of my life, it was something I kept hidden and kept to myself. I didn’t realize it at the time; but keeping who you are bottled up does nothing but destroy you from the inside out. Some situations don’t allow people to be themselves and I felt that I was in that situation. Well, that was really silly of me; I’ve ALWAYS been surrounded by people who love and support me through thick and thin.
After battling a very deadly addiction, I came to realize that these people (and myself) deserve to see the real me.
Yet, I was still scared and wasn’t sure how or what to do. I had told my mother and it was met with mixed emotions but once the dust settled, she was still my mom and still loved me. I was OK with just her knowing and a VERY select few people knowing. Then he came into my life. I had started a new job for the new me and I wasn’t looking for love and neither was he, that’s for sure. However, the universe and the “powers that be” have a funny way of putting things right in front of you. At first, it was purely a physical attraction mixed in with being drawn by his personality. Then we started talking and hanging out. And we talked and talked and talked, let me tell you.
After that, I was in love.
There was no denying it and there was no fighting it. He just made me feel so happy but he wasn’t afraid to tell me off or put up with my shenanigans. Anyone who knows me knows that’s exactly what I need.So here I was, not fully out, but head over heels for this man. So, I made it public knowledge and it was hard! I won’t lie – especially when it came to my Dad. I was so scared, as much as I’m a momma’s boy, that’s my Dad and I had just put him through so much with my drug addiction and then dropped this bomb shell. When he found out, he was very confused and had a hard time wrapping his head around it and I believe he still does, but like I said he’s my dad. I’m his flesh and blood and though things are rocky sometimes, we still try and make a relationship.At the end of day, my Dad, my Mom, my friends and my family all see how happy and whole I am again. The old Me is back; just with a little sparkle. I guess what I’m trying to say for anyone reading this is you’re not alone and please don’t struggle in silence.
You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first.
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