Love Thyself
Author: Lindsey Thomson
Lindsey is a psychotherapist who isn't afraid to admit that even therapists need support too! We chatted with Lindsey about her written essay, "Love Thyself" and all things body image, self-care and self-love. For Lindsey, being unsinkable is all about standing in your worth and accepting all that you are. Watch the full interview below.
My name is Lindsey, and I'm a dog mom, teacher, psychotherapist, and overall mental health advocate. I have been providing psychotherapy for the past 8 years through community clinics and my own private practice. I've been on a journey towards self-acceptance for most of my life. Over the past 15 years, I have navigated through the complexities of body image and food issues, layered with my high expectations for my professional work.
I can trace my initiation into this struggle back to grade seven when I discovered the turbo jam workout. This marked the onset of a decade-long saga of fad diets paired with an unhealthy obsession with nutritional information. I vividly recall the hours spent meticulously preparing food to specific portions and forcing down foods I disliked, like cottage cheese. All of this was in pursuit of an unrealistic ideal fueled by a fear of societal judgment and the pursuit of an ever-changing standard of beauty. My quest for perfection manifested in cycles of unhealthy behaviours, from obsessive calorie counting and exercise, to food restriction and a fixation on frequent weigh-ins.
As I entered my mid-20s, my focus shifted from being thin to being more muscular, influenced by the Fitspo culture on Instagram and a desire to fit into my wedding dress. These struggles were not just personal; they mirrored the pervasive societal expectations imposed on women, perpetuated by the forces of social media, capitalism, and patriarchal undercurrents.
Change and healing only became possible through a marathon of self-discovery. Therapy played an essential role in my journey, with consistent support from various therapists over the years.
Undertaking this marathon meant acknowledging that healing is continuous, a truth often neglected by the expectation of instant gratification perpetuated by the sprint-like approach of the diet industry. I remember the pivotal moment during my university years when I first sought therapy to confront my body image and food-related challenges. It marked the beginning of a crucial shift in my mindset.
When choosing a healing framework, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy became the cornerstone of my journey. With the support of my therapist, acceptance-based skills helped me navigate my anxiety and perfectionism and redefine my self-worth. Shifting focus from external judgments, I went through a process of quieting external expectations. I learned to embrace a more scientific understanding of my body and its needs. I began showing my body appreciation and gratitude for everything it does for me, understanding the evolutionary necessity for women to carry fat on their lower bellies as a means of reproductive protection, and that bloating is perfectly natural after eating.
An essential way I healed was by starting to curate my social media feeds to focus on people who advocate for body acceptance. The first person to significantly influence me was Megan Jane Crabbe, author of Body Positivity. She taught me to love my belly and that life is more fun and exciting when you express your personality the way you want through clothing and colour. Sonya Renee Taylor, author of The Body's Not an Apology, taught me how to identify external voices from society in my unhelpful thinking and how to unapologetically take up space in the world while being conscious of my privilege. I used her book and accompanying workbook to create a therapeutic book club for my clients in 2022.
Learning about Intuitive Eating was a real game changer. Used initially as a tool to support my work with clients, I quickly adopted the skills and ways of being for myself. It emerged as a crucial concept emphasizing internal cues over external controls and learning to trust your body and the food you put in it. Adopting this lifestyle change helped me to fully let go of my fear of "bad foods" and trust myself on a new level. As a result of this work, I can move my body in a way that feels good, eat without rules and restrictions, and practice kindness toward myself. I vividly recall the sense of liberation when I embraced that bag of dill pickle chips purely for pleasure rather than viewing it as an adversary.
A critical aspect of understanding how I got to a place of body hatred and constant fear of not being good enough was by reflecting on the impacts of the culture I inhabit and the forces of social media. I must highlight how capitalism and the patriarchy sell us a false perception of reality - an unachievable, expensive, and destructive ideal body image as a way to control women. The more time we spend focused on our appearance, hoping that other people will like us, the less time we have to focus on our passions and dreams.
Another layer of my experience is the interplay between my challenges and how I show up in my work. Early on in my career, I felt immense pressure from society that therapists should have it all together. I need to dispel this myth and expectation. We don't have all the answers, and we're human too. We make mistakes and still won't always get it right, even when we have all the resources and knowledge at our fingertips. Sometimes, we struggle to practice what we preach, and that's okay. Over the years, I've had to acknowledge my high expectations for myself and accept my imperfections, challenging and shifting my professional identity.
By opening up and sharing my story (what therapists call self-disclosure), I connect with clients on a profoundly personal level by sharing my struggles with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and disordered eating to foster a sense of understanding and solidarity. These moments of vulnerability during therapy have been powerful catalysts for change in my clients.
The biggest lesson I've learned after a decade in therapy is that my journey toward self-acceptance is cyclical, requiring constant reminders and practice. Breaking free from societal expectations is a continuous battle that’s worth the effort to realize change. It has led me to feel worthy and good enough. It has helped me to live fully, authentically, and free from the control of the media and beauty industry. By sharing my experience, I hope to inspire others to embrace their own healing journeys, challenge the pervasive pressures of our culture, and reach out for support, with the ultimate aim of learning to love thyself fully.
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