Breathe and believe: Advocating for yourself in a broken system

Unsinkable Storytelling Author: Abby Inglis

I wasn’t planning on sharing any details of my story because it is really personal, and I have never wanted people to think I was just seeking attention or to look or act any differently around me; nobody struggling with their mental health wants this.

I’ve been rapid cycling between depression and anxiety since I was 14. Most likely triggered by severe stress and a dangerous acne medication administered by a doctor (which I will not name but is now discontinued/banned in many countries due to how dangerous it is). After moving to Victoria for school my struggles became much worse. My first day of orientation in dorms I was so anxious that my entire body was convulsively shaking, and I was throwing up all day due to stress of meeting new people. I had to tell people I just had food poisoning because I thought people would think I was insane.

I could not control it. Everything was fine until finals of first year uni where I was dealing with a bunch of different stressors and I completely lost it. I could barely write my exams and had to be put on a super addictive anxiety medication to even make it through my finals.

Summer was good.

Then second year, first semester finals rolled around, and again. I was dealing with a lot of outside stressors, and pressure of finals, getting good grades etc. I completely lost it again. I did not show up or write any of my finals.

I couldn’t.

Meanwhile, my profs, friends, and family are all texting me and worried and I was ignoring everyone because I shut off my phone and just could not talk to people. My mind was in a very very dark place, and I was just trying so hard to survive. I’ll just say that.

I had a friend from my program who noticed I was struggling, and called campus police on me because she thought I was in dorms, but I was safe with someone.

I had the police calling my family telling them I was in danger. And everyone worrying about me. This person absolutely did the right thing. I just want to thank her for what she did. She knows who she is 💕

For about a year now, I have been in and out of random doctors, and counselling. I will tell you how hopeless and discouraged you feel when you and your family are desperately trying to get consistent help but you go to a doctor (if you can even get a doctors appointment) and they tell you it will be a 10 month wait for a mental health referral/appointment. Especially when you are struggling with intense thoughts. This is something immediate. I didn’t have 10 months to be waiting around. Or when you go to a doctor and they don’t really care about you, or your story, and their only option is to push pharma medication on you without taking the time to really understand your unique story. This is absolutely so wrong and the entire mental health system is completely broken in this way. People really don’t get this. It so badly needs to change.

Nature and music have been hugely therapeutic for me for my entire life, which probably explains me pretty well lol. It is also why I have always chosen to be a sober person. Like I have said a million times now on my stories; know you aren’t alone in this. Reach out for help. There are people who really love you, even if your brain tells you there aren’t 💕

Since sharing my story, I have been able to get a better diagnosis which they believe is bipolar type 2. But since a diagnosis is so stigmatized (although it is getting better) I was very scared of getting help. And reaching out.

I have been practicing philosophy and principles of Buddhism and stoicism, and mindfulness as part of my CBT therapy for a couple years now. I think they can revolutionize mental health treatment because they were the only things that helped me when I had tried everything and was unable to get proper help and a psychiatry appointment. I think this should be taught more widely in schools and universities as a form of preventative care for mental health in students. Which is just becoming more relevant with Covid and social media in youth.

I would love to help advocate for kids and students like myself going through similar struggles. As I know I could have used it when I was younger and struggling. I would love to be a voice for those kids.